FADING MEMORY

The fall was unseen by any one.  It was at twilight. The threat of a heavy rain was looming large in the sky. I was just out to pick up my wife from the bus stand. She had been held up late due to some urgent works at her office. I was back with my wife soon. The rain and the darkness had fallen down by then. As I drove my car to our courtyard, the headlight showed our maid struggling to lift up my mother. It was my mother who had fallen. When we entered our home, the maid narrated the incident.

I had said that the fall was unseen. But it can not be said that the fall was unexpected. I had feared for long that it would happen.

My mother had been behaving abnormally for the last eight years. I realized that she had some psychic problems when she started talking of things unseen as seen and sound unheard as heard. She would often turn out to be very frightful as she saw people grabbing her things from her room. I had a tough time to pacify her fears. One day she came out from the bathroom fully naked. She stood before me with water dripping from all over her body and complained to me that she can not bath peacefully as people were taking away her things from her room while she was bathing. It was then that I decided to take her for a psychic consultation.

What astounded me was the way she presented herself before the psychiatrist. No one would say that she was abnormal. I explained in detail her behaviour to the psychiatrist.  I said that she was having hallucinations often. My mother answered cheerfully to the questions put to her. She was 85 then. Finally, the doctor informed that she was losing her memory. Her brain cells were decaying. The medicines prescribed were for washing away her hallucinations. The decay of the cells would continue and it was informed that in two or three years, she would lose her sense for excretions.

The medicine had its effect. The hallucinations slowly faded away. But, she began to lose her memory at a faster pace. She would complain that she didn’t have the food, even when she had it abundant. She lost her sense of hunger at all. If food is given, she would eat it endlessly. If not given, she would not ask for it at all. She had to be told of it and taken if she was to wash or bath. A personal attention was found to be inevitable, and I hired the service of a home nurse. But she wouldn’t co-operate or allow her to do anything for her. That apart, she would at times behave very rudely. At other times, she would be very pleasant and talk lovingly. I knew that her moods were unsteady as was her memory. No one stayed for long. I tried with many, but no one could tolerate her. There was only one man whom she would obey and listen to always, and that was me. She would often take me for my father and that could be the reason for obeying me. Once a visitor, knowing that she is suffering of Alzheimer’s disease, asked her who I was and she promptly replied that I was her husband. I looked exactly like my father.  She wouldn’t listen to any one in the house except me. She was unreceptive even to my wife. Therefore, I personally began to attend to all her daily needs.

Sexual aberration is said to be one effect of the dirty disease. I read so in an article on it. It is found to be true in my mother’s case. Her hands would often extend to the bosoms and buttocks of women who go closer and that included my wife too. At night, when every body slept, she would get up and walk around. It was at that time she would find something to be packed up. She would remove the pillow from its cover and fill the cover with some cloths. She would go to the kitchen and throw around the kitchen wares here and there. She began to have the hallucinations again but not the fear from it. I was afraid that she would fall while walking in the night and therefore, I kept my cot close to hers and slept. The room wall would be at the other side of her cot. She would get up at odd times; but when she finds me lying nearby, she would again lie down. For the last two years, I had been sleeping by her side. I would never know whether she was feeling hot and the fan is to be switched on. On rainy days, I had to guess that she would be feeling cold and put a blanket on her. She would never say as she had lost her sensitivity to the outside world. She failed to recognize even close relatives. But, she kept a cheerful face to all those who visited us.

When night actions stopped, she started doing irrelevant and unnecessary things during the day. She would move the chairs from their places and put them in different places she liked. If the chair is heavy, she would drag it. She could not remain steady even for a moment while standing and would keep on shifting her feet. When sitting, her body would keep on moving forward and back. She could not sit for long in one chair and would keep on shifting her seat from one to the other. She would pick up what ever she can lay hands on and smash it hardly on a stool or a table. The television set could not be switched on, as she would aim to hit the people on the screen. Meanwhile, what the doctor predicted also began. She started passing her excretions everywhere, without her knowing it. Sometimes, she would herself pick up her solid excretions and throw it out through the window grills. Without knowing anything, she would again sit on a chair and shift from chair to chair, giving us work to clean the chairs, cushions and floors. Minimum two were required to handle her during such times. One had to be engaged in removing her dress, cleaning her and putting on new dress while the other had to clean the whole area. She would be very resistive to changing her dress and cleaning her and it would be a tough work for the person doing that.

She always walked with unsteady steps and I tried several times to teach her to walk with the walker which I had bought for her. She would never remember it and walk freely with unsteady steps. The excretions could also cause slipping, if not noticed and dried in time. The fall was imminent and expected. Or else, I would have to keep her tied.

Recently she found a new activity of slamming the doors. She would come out of her room and pull the door with its handle to slam it shut. It was with great force that she did it. At times, she would come to the veranda and slam the door to the house with extreme force. The sound itself would proclaim the force behind it.

Our maid heard the slamming of the front door on that day. She came and opened the door immediately and found that my mother had fallen down. Her head was forcefully hit to the grills of the veranda. There was a cut on the head through which blood oozed out.

I rang up my younger brother to come to the hospital where I took her in the car. The injury on the head had to be stitched and she complained of pain near the hips. There was no swelling and we thought that the pain would only be due to the fall. The x-ray unit at the hospital was closed and therefore we waited for the next day to take up the x-ray which confirmed a fracture near the left hip. The doctor said that the fall need not be the cause of fracture. The bone was so weak and could have fractured by itself and caused the fall. The slamming of the door must have upset her balance and caused the fracture, sometimes. The fracture was operated upon and set right.

The trauma for us did not end there. My wife and I were staying at the hospital during the treatment period. My younger brother would come to assist us during day time. One day during the stay, my wife fell down in the bathroom while trying to open up a tight tap. The tap got broken and her face was hit to the sharp end of the broken tap which caused a severe cut on her left cheek. The cut was deep and had to be stitched. She is on the verge of retirement and this would remain a visible identification mark on her face hereafter, to be shown in her pension papers. Earlier, in my story ‘Identity mistaken’, I had written how the scar on the left cheek which appeared scary to me at first became a symbol of love and friendship. The paradox of a cut scar on the left cheek to be a stamp mark of love repeats itself to me again.

On the night of discharge from the hospital, my mother played a mischief again. In the dead of night, she managed to raise her hand and pulled out the bandages. She was weak and tired and no one expected her to do such a thing. A home nurse was engaged for her from the hospital itself as she would be bed-ridden for days to come. But, what mother did was beyond anyone’s guess. In the morning, the wounds opened up and I had to rush her again for a stitch. It was again stapled, bandaged and special care is now taken to see that her hands do not reach to the bandage. I can not allow her to walk again, even after the wound gets healed. By walking, she is certain to fall again. She is 90 now.

I had thought that cancer is the most dreadful of diseases. Now I know for sure that it is not as disastrous as the Alzheimer’s disease. Disasters sometimes come united and together. Those are times when I lose my faith in God.

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