PAST, IS NOT ALWAYS PAST

It was after tenure at a hard area that I got my transfer to Bangalore. Hard area, we called in our military terms, for places where living was not ordinarily comfortable. The uncomfortable nature might be due to extreme bad weather or the place being at a remote hilly area or sometimes in the border area. When one completed the tenure there, he would usually be given certain preferences and privileges. One such preference was that he could get a posting to a place of his choice. I preferred Bangalore because that was the nearest place from my home in Kerala, to where I could get a posting. Another privilege was that you could get quarters to stay with family, superseding the waiting list for allotment. This consideration was given, as the person was likely to be staying alone in the hard area without the comfort of his family.

I had gone on transfer to the hard area just fifteen days after my marriage and the area was considered so hard that the tenure was limited to just one year. I knew earlier itself that I would have to move to the hard area immediately after marriage. My parents tried to dissuade me from marriage and to wait for completion of that tenure, but I insisted. I was already decided on whom to marry and therefore, I did not want to risk that possibility by postponing the marriage. My parents agreed, and I got married. On expiry of the leave period, I proceeded alone to the remote place to where I was posted. Honeymoon days were spent by us in isolation.

I was very happy when I got my posting to Bangalore, after a long wait of one year. Immediately on arrival at Bangalore, I was allotted with a newly white washed quarters for my stay with family. That was the first time for me to start living with my wife. A quarter was a single unit among eight or ten such units in a block and there would be similar blocks all over the area. Like the abundant flats growing up like mushrooms in the present days. The blocks were in two floors. People usually preferred the bottom floor as they would get a little ground space for gardening or cultivation of vegetables, apart from getting rid of the burden of climbing up and down the stairs. Even with the preference from hard area, it usually took a few weeks to get the allotment. But I got it immediately on my arrival and that too in the ground floor itself without any effort. I felt that I was lucky. Being a beginner to the family life, we did visit our neighbours to acquaint ourselves as also to know them in return. I expected visits back, but none was to come for a few days.

One day, returning from my office, I found my wife in an uneasy mood. I enquired why she looked uncomfortable. She said she was feeling afraid to stay in the home alone in the nights. I could not understand. My work necessitated me to undertake night shift duties quite often and she had been staying in the nights alone on such days. Never did she make any complaint on that. She knew that it was a camp area and there was nothing to worry. No chance for any burglars and there would be many to respond from nearby houses incase an alarm is raised. Patiently, I asked what disturbed her mind. And then she told me about the visit of one of our neighbours.

The neighbour woman had enquired about her well being in general and asked her whether she was feeling uncomfortable during the nights when I was away. My wife had replied that she was quite comfortable and found no scope for any fear when there were so many families living nearby. The woman was not to leave her at that. She wanted to know whether she heard any sounds at any time during the nights or whether she felt any unusual things happening or saw any shadows passing by. That raised the curiosity in my wife. She asked her what she meant by that. The woman replied that our quarters had been lying vacant for many days as none was willing to take it. The woman who stayed earlier had committed suicide by pouring kerosene and blazing herself. The walls were blackened completely and that was the reason it was white washed afresh. All in the camp knew of the incident and so no one was willing to stay there even when offered out of turn. That was when we came with our preference for out of turn allotment. “If nothing had happened so far, may be nothing would happen in future also”, the woman had consoled generously before leaving.

The kerosene had been anyway poured into my wife’s mind too, I thought. A small incident would be sufficient to ignite it at any time.

I picked up and carried forward further on those consolation words of the woman. I said to my wife that we had been staying thus far without any problems. “That poor unfortunate woman might have ended up her life for reasons best known to her. Let us not say a word to any one which might turn out to be of blaming her even after her death. If others were afraid, let them be. We had been staying for many days and we knew that there was nothing to be worried of”, I tried to pacify my wife.

Nevertheless, the next day morning I went to the officer who was in charge of the allotment of quarters. I complained that my ignorance of the incident had been taken advantage of by him. He said that the quarter could not have been left idle like that for long. At the same time, he did not want to force it on any one who knew of the incident. So, he had been waiting for some one from outside to come with a preferential allotment. He repeated the same words that the woman had said to my wife and in turn I had also said. “You had been staying already for many days and you did not feel any discomforts. So, why do you worry now? Nothing would happen. Just leave that unnecessary fear from your mind. That was all required”, he consoled.

In my boyhood, I had read a lot of ghost stories. When the subject of ghosts came within our discussion, I always tried to maintain to my friends that those were only stories and nothing of that sort could really exist. One of my friends never agreed to what I said and explained to me that there were many people near his home who experienced the ghost effect. He challenged me to visit a particular spot near his home in the dead of night and experience myself if I had any doubt. He told that once a lady appeared in white dress before a lonely person there and beckoned him to follow her. The next day the fellow was found lying unconscious and when he came to his senses he narrated the incident. He said that people were afraid to walk there alone in the night, after that. I dismissed his arguments by telling him that the story would always end like that. People would see ghosts in the form of ladies only and never in the form of gents. And that too in white dress alone. “Why do they not wear colour dress?” I queried. Prompt was his reply. “They might be coming in colour dress also. But when they wanted you to see them, they would come in white”, he said. I did not take up his challenge. He would never agree even if I went alone because I would not be able to prove that I was alone. I did not believe in ghosts. And that was all. I did not want to prove anything to anybody.

The night duty days were no more peaceful to my wife. When I returned, she would tell me that a dog has been groaning in a peculiar sound through out the night. Or, she would have heard the walking steps of a person nearby. I realized that she was getting too much frightened in my absence in the night. I tried to convince her as much as I could that it was all her imaginations. “You did not hear any such sounds earlier”, I reminded her. “It was all a consequence of that neighbour woman’s visit”, I told to myself and to her also.

The nights on which my duty fell turned out to be too dreadful and horrifying to her. She would tell me that she was sitting all through the night wide awake and praying to God. By then, she had been carrying our first child also. I could not allow her to live a frightened life, in that stage, particularly. When I returned from the duty, I could see that she was far more tired than me. I could read it on her face. I had to think of a solution. I approached my boss and narrated my problems. I requested him earnestly to relieve me from the night duties. He took a sympathetic view of the situation. He agreed, but said that it would be only for two months. “By that time you should be able to clear the fears from her mind”, he advised. “I can’t go on relieving you. Others would complain”, he justified his stand. At least two months relief I got, I thought. That itself was great of him.

My wife was very happy to hear that I would not be going for the night duties. I was to educate her now. Two months time for the course. Till late night, I would keep our doors wide open and chat with her, sitting on the door steps and looking out in the dark. I would take her out for a walk in the nights. I wanted to show her that there was nothing to worry about. I explained to her that in many quarters, the women would be sitting alone in the nights. There might be deaths happened in those quarters also in any of the yester years, which we were not to know. “Had the woman not visited and told you on that incident, you would have been living as peaceful as earlier”, I tried to convince. I promised her that there after when I go for night duties, I would come back the moment my work was over. Yes, I could do that. My work in the night was to ensure proper functioning of the radio communications at the Air Traffic Control, when there would be practice sorties in the night.  I could shut down the equipments and pack up when the practice sorties were over. I told her that she would know when I would be coming back, if she listened to the sound of roaring flights taking off and landing back quite frequently. When the sound died down for a longer time, she could be sure that the sorties were over and that I would be returning. It normally lasted up to midnight and some times to early morning. People on duty would lie down and take rest at the duty place itself after that, till the day broke up. But, I would come back the moment it was over, I decided. I was successful in instilling confidence in my wife by the two months granted to me.

The practice sorties were over by midnight, when I went for my first night duty after the two months break. I decided to keep my word and returned home immediately after the work. It was a cycle which I always used for my conveyance. I was pedaling back to home. There was a square turning when I reach about 50 meters to my quarters. Once I took the turning, I would be able to see my quarters clearly. It was a normal practice with me to look at my quarters immediately after the turn. And when I looked at my quarter that night after the turning, I found that my wife was sitting on the door steps with the doors wide open. That was the place where we would be sitting till late night, chatting. The lights inside were on. She had grown courageous now, I thought. She knew that I would come back and she might be waiting for me to come, without going to sleep. Raising her head, she looked at me. Then, she stood up.

Reaching near the quarter, I applied breaks and looked up at the quarter again. Suddenly the lights inside had disappeared. It was all dark everywhere. The doors were tight closed. What happened? I wondered. Why did she close the doors when she saw me? Why did she put off the lights? Failing to find an answer, I rang up the bell. There was no response. I rang up again, for a longer time. I could hear her moving in the bed. The lights were put on and she opened the doors. She was wearing a maxi. I had seen her wearing a sari, a white one, which she possessed and wore quite frequently. How could she change over to maxi so fast and that too in the dark? She did not look uncomfortable. I asked her what she had been doing after I went for duty. She said that she closed the doors and lied down and she didn’t know when she slept. All that she knew was that she was in a deep slumber till I rang up the bell.

Then, was it my imagination that I saw? I re-winded the cassette recorded by my eyes and played it back again in my mind. Yes, I had seen my wife only. I could make out that clearly from that distance. She had raised up her head and looked at me and got up from there. If it was not my wife, then who was that I saw. Suddenly, I remembered the confident and sure words from my old friend, “They might be coming in dark dress also. But when they wanted you to see them, they would come in white”. What did she want me to see? That she was guarding my wife when I was away?

I looked at my wife. She had already resumed her peaceful slumber.

Years later, and after I left the service and started staying safely in my own home, I narrated the incident to my wife. She wouldn’t believe. She had turned out to be more mature than me. She said that it was all my imagination. “Yes, yes, it could be only an imagination. Everything that we see before our eyes could also be only an imagination. We would know when we die, that this life itself was only an imagination, like a dream lost.” I retorted back in anger.

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Mysterious are the ways of mind…mysterious is death...and mysterious this Universe ..